Okay, sit down, everybody. I’ve figured out how you could make a really good movie out of The Last Jedi. (Spoilers ahead.)
There are several problems with the narrative of TLJ:
- The entire Poe/Finn/Rose arc is pointless and, in fact, counterproductive, as it’s how TFO finds out about the real escape plan.
- Despite doing more damage to the Resistance than Kylo Ren, Snoke and Hux combined, Poe is never held accountable for his insubordination or general stupidity. As a result, instead of a redemption arc, we get a scene where Holdo and Leia chuckle about what a scamp he is.
- Luke’s struggle is mostly internal, which leads to him looking petulant and impulsive.
- Holdo’s character was distracting and pointless. Why kill off Admiral Akbar to replace him with an incompetent purple-haired mother figure?
- The escape plan was really obvious (ie not a great plan), so TFO probably could have figured it out without any help.
- The climax depends on Hux never considering that the Resistance might ram his ship, which also seems really obvious.
So, a few changes:
- Admiral Akbar survives.
- Remove most of the Poe/Finn/Rose arc. Drop the elaborate escape on the racehorse things and (sorry) the street urchins. The plan to hack the tracker ends quickly in failure. Poe/Finn/Rose barely escape. Finn and Rose get trapped on an asteroid or somewhere else they can’t do any more damage. Poe gets thrown in the brig by Admiral Akbar, who doesn’t have time for his shit.
- That weird pit on Luke’s planet? Turns out it’s a real-world connection to the Dark Side, and Rey’s presence on the island has awakened it. After Rey leaves, some kind of shadowy dark side creatures take over the island, kill the fish nuns and destroy the Jedi relics. Luke retreats to a cave, unable to escape. He is about to despair, but then Yoda shows up and delivers the line about all the important Jedi stuff living on in Rey. This externalizes Luke’s conflict and makes Luke less of a whiny bitch.
- We find out that the plan that the Codebreaker leaked to TFO was a ruse. Akbar, knowing what a fuck-up Poe is, gave him a fake plan that he knew would get to TFO . (But Poe is still left in the brig, because he’s still a fuck-up and Akbar doesn’t have time for his shit.)
- Despite Akbar’s brilliance, TFO somehow figures out their real escape plan. Now the Resistance is in serious trouble, and not just because they are idiots.
- Finn and Rose escape to join the Resistance. Nobody cares that they’re fuck-ups, because they’re all going to die anyway.
- The movie’s climax unfolds in much the same way, except that Akbar is the one who stays behind to ram the enemy ship. But! Hux is not an idiot, so he figures out what Akbar is doing and launches an attack on Akbar’s ship. The ship is badly damaged and Akbar is killed. But! Poe escapes from the brig and [redemption arc] pilots the Resistance ship into TFO’s ship, destroying it.
- Also, get rid of Luke milking the boob creature, because that shit was just weird.