My apologies! Due to a printing error in The Force is Middling in this One, and a similar, although unrelated printing error in Mercury Falls, neither book actually contained a laminated card reading:
PLEASE EXCUSE MY FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM AS I HAVE A SEVERE BOWEL AND/OR URINARY TRACT CONDITION
Be assured that the problem has been corrected and the responsible parties have been fired. I have verified that the card WILL be printed on page 212 of Mercury Rests.* You have my word on it.
*Obviously the physical card will not be included in the Kindle version. However, the Kindle version does include a coupon good for a free laminated card, which you can cut out and mail to me to receive the actual card.