What the hell am I doing?

I post on Facebook and Twitter quite frequently about the various books that I’m working on at any given moment, and since I’m usually working on about five at a time and I’m constantly dropping one project and picking up another, I imagine that I must be confusing the hell out of people who are actually trying to figure out what books they can expect to be coming out in the near future. So, for those who are interested, here’s the current project roster. Subject to change, as always….

Temptation Bangs Forever (January 2013)

I have been working with Joel Bezaire, the former proprietor of the Crummy Church Signs blog, to create a “best of” compilation of (mostly unintentionally) funny church signs. The book, Temptation Bangs Forever: The Worst Church Signs You’ve Ever Seen, includes over 200 of the worst church signs from three years of the Crummy Church Signs blog. It will also include contributions by several well-known bloggers and writers, including Matthew Paul Turner, Matt Appling of The Church of No People and Bethany Keeley-Jonker of the “Blog” of “Unnecessary Quotation Marks”. Temptation Bangs Forever should be available in paperback and Kindle by the end of January.

Not Living Up to My Potential (March 2013)

Fans of my Mattress Police blog who read The Force is Middling in this One may have noticed that I left out a lot of great posts. Where, you may have wondered, are Human Inertia, His Excellency Lord Monkeyhands, and the cro-magnon denizens of Punta Gorda, Florida? 

Fear not, friends. I deliberately left out most of the autiobiographical posts when I put together TFIMITO because I was planning to write another book, called Not Living Up to My PotentialNLUTMP will be composed of a combination of posts from Mattress Police and new material, and will follow young Rob Kroese through a seemingly endless series of failures and disappointments, culminating in the publication of Mercury Falls, a novel that his own mother-in-law was too embarrassed to recommend to the church library. NLUTMP is basically done, but I’ve been waiting for the right time to publish it. Right now I’m planning on March 2013.

Schrödinger’s Gat (Summer 2013?)

This is a short novel that I describe as a “quantum physics noir thriller.” The book takes as its starting point something called the “quantum enigma”, in which an observer’s choice of experiments determines the underlying nature of the phenomenon being studied, and what this “quantum enigma” implies regarding our ability to make free choices in an apparently deterministic world. This is definitely the darkest, most serious novel I’ve written so far. Imagine the move Final Destination, but with about 9,000% more quantum physics. SG is in the hands of my beta readers right now (I’m even having a couple of physicists read it!); I’m hoping to have it out by this summer.

Untitled Humorous Sci-Fi Novel (late 2013?)

I’ve just started on this one. It’s sort of a mash-up of Star Wars, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Stainless Steel Rat, Don Quixote and Duck Soup. I steal from the best.

Disillusioned (2014?)

I’ve been toying with the idea of a sequel to Disenchanted, but I’ve put it aside for now. I may pick it back up in a few months.

Voyage of the Steel Dragon (2014?)

I’ve had an idea floating around my head for a long time for a sci-fi novel centering on Vikings. I’ve been doing a lot of research, but I’m sort of at an impasse with it because I really feel like I need to take a field trip to Scandinavia/Iceland to do it justice. Or maybe I just need a vacation. Anyway, I’m definitely going to come back to this one (I’ve got too much useless Viking trivia in my head to turn back now!), but it’s on hold at present.